Honesty

I can't believe its already October! Thats just crazy. Things in my world have been so crazy lately. I have this bad problem with stressing and worrying about everything...its bad right now. I've got so many things going on that I get lost in them. Last night was one of those nights where I felt like my world came crumbling down around me. Sometimes I think thats a good thing in a way. Its a horrible feeling but at the same time "You are blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. (Matt. 5:3 Message)"

Money is always something to stress over in my life. I normally stress over our budget, but at the moment that is doing okay. I'm more stressed about school money. I have this huge pressure on me to come up all the money for school in the next month. (I think that pressure just increased realizing its only a month) ugh. I have a loan I need to fill out but I'm waiting on a co-signer. I hate having a co-signer. I don't think its a good idea, but I have to have it. Bless the person willing to do this for us. Last night in the middle of the crash I finally just laid it all down. The fact of the matter is that God is bigger than I am. He is smarter than I am and he can see the whole picture and I can't. I know Chris and I need to get out of here. We have become content with things here and I know that God has bigger things for us than this. We are ready to finish school and get real jobs and have a family. We want to move on. We have prayed about this and thought through everything people have continually told us to. We feel like Scottsdale, Arizona is where we are suppose to be. If that is right, God will provide what we need for that. I know he will. He is my provider and my strong foundation. So Father, I leave it with you. Thank you for being so much bigger than I am.

My sweet husband is going to start his meds again. I really struggle with this. I know it will be good for him. On any normal day he has so much personality and he is goofy and I love it. When he is on his meds he is more serious. His personality doesn't shine like it does without them. I have a hard time with this. I'm so selfish. I want him to not take them, but I know it will be better for him. He gets more done, he is less distracted and he can recall things so much better. I know its good for work because he doesn't forget things as easy. Please pray for me that I learn to adjust to this. Also, please pray for whatever doctor we go to about putting him on his meds to that he would understand and know what meds to put Chris on. Maybe there is something else he can take that will still let his personality shine.

I think sometimes being honest and laying down your heart and your struggles is good therapy. I guess, even if no one reads this I feel a little more human for having and admitting that sometimes life is hard and I struggle. Sometimes I need to remind myself I don't have to be perfect. Father loves me including every imperfection I have. Thats comforting. Thank you Father.

He Loves us

I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us oh how he loves us